Subvert The Dominant Paradigm

August 22, 2024

I have a bumper sticker on my car that says: Subvert The Dominant Paradigm.  

And at my core, my faith is what defines me, but even that can be told in ways that are not me. I often call myself as an “out-of-the-box-Christian” because there’s so much that organized religion teaches that I question. I think my faith should transform my life, the inside and outside of me.  Simply being part of a church community doesn’t seem to do that.  There is no one place, one belief, one group, one theology, one anything that can do it all and give peace and calm to my soul without brainwashing! (joking)

I like it because I just can’t seem to find a box or title I fit into. Yes, I am an American, but that says so many things that are not me. And I am an older woman (81 this year), but there’s not much about “senior” or “woman” that fits me cause I still go on challenging mountain hikes and camp alone in deep woods and work out with a personal trainer.  

I thought that by the time I reached my 80s, I would bask in the fruit of my labors, with friends and family gathered around family dinners every week, us all being together and loving one another.

Instead, I find a lot of chaos everywhere.  I need to find my own calm in the middle of that chaos.

I have searched and examined my heart to find values and what I believe in.  What I believe in, myself, not what an institution or organization or even what a favorite preacher or author tells me to be truth.  I want to know what God is saying about loving one another with grace and mercy. What He thinks. And where does how we behave fit in?  I think I’ve got a pretty good handle on all that!

Yet, as I said in my last post, I sometimes find myself adrift in the hurdles of this, my present life.

If you know me or have read my book or other stuff I’ve said or written, you know it wasn’t until I was almost 30 that I stopped looking in all the wrong places for that calming peace. I’ve had lots of therapy, and some was crazy, enabling stuff, and some of it was really, really good.  With a good counselor, we can begin to unravel the scattered pieces of unraveling yarn that jumble our thoughts.

Aging, and retired husband, and slower metabolism are challenging. Finding usefulness is challenging. Changing family holidays and relationships are challenging. Throw in accountability and it becomes easy to get lost in that jumble of emotion and loss and joy and unchartered paths.  A good counselor can pull at tiny threads and lay them out one-by-one until we see patterns and find how to arrange them into a pattern we like.

I made the phone call, and my first new appointment with a counselor is next Tuesday. I am excited.