September 5, 2024
I started this book a while ago. “You Are What You Love” by James K. A. Smith, subtitled “the spiritual power of habit.” While I’m trying to find some order to my chaotic life, and since I do love and thrive on order, the title attracted me. It’s a great read, the first chapters energized me, but eventually I got bogged down with the seriousness of it. I still recommend it and will come back to it later.
But this was my take-away: I may say I love certain things, but maybe a better word would be “like.” His theory, according to me, is that if I really love something I will be putting time into it. I will actually do it Otherwise it’s something I like or wish for. And there’s nothing wrong with that. Just call it what it is and find what we really do love.
That all was interesting to me, but what stood out more was his emphasis on the importance of habit. Good and not-so-good habits. What am I doing with my day? What are my “habits” and are they what I want? Why do I struggle (or forget) to do the things I really want and why is it so easy to do a bunch of stuff all day and yet not do the few things that are important to me? The things I say I “love?”
I think (I could be wrong) he’s saying that it comes down to habits. I’ve filled my days with things I hardly think about, they are just habits.
So, it’s like this: My husband gets up every morning and makes coffee for us. Then he goes out to feed the birds. I get up, have coffee and a nice chat with him. We never think, “well, do I want coffee or not, or are we going to visit a bit or no?” There’s no decision, it’s our morning ritual, or habit, and we just do it without deciding.
Which set me to wondering if I could take a few of the things I say are important to me, that give me joy and calm my soul, if I could do them every day, faithfully, for months, would they then become habits I don’t even think about? Like the morning coffee ritual? Would my life feel better to me?
And I made a list. Like “art”. Drawing is good for me. It’s sort of meditative, and it’s not about the picture. I could toss it away. But just the concentration it takes to draw a leafy border around a page, or drawing that pen over there…doing that makes me feel good. It’s fun. I have to concentrate on all the nuances of that pen and for a while, I stop thinking about the “problems” in my head. Sometimes looking at what I’ve drawn makes me giggle.
Run every morning is on my list also. From my house to the end of the block and back includes a small hill. I can do it easily in less than ten minutes. It’s not about the length or time. For now it’s just about establishing the ritual or habit of it being the first thing I do after coffee with hubby. The hope is that if I just do it long enough, it will become natural, and I won’t even have to make a decision. It will be as easy as that cup of coffee every morning. Then, and only then, will I add length and think about healthy exercise.
Other things are on my list. I actually made a chart and I get to check them off each day. None of those things take more than 5 minutes to do, but they are things that I’ve wanted to consistently do for years and have never done. I choose other things like laundry, dishes, board meetings, church activities, all that stuff. That wonderful stuff! But those little things that are also important to me fall by the wayside. What a pity!
I’m testing the theory of the book. I think I may be on to something! I’ll keep you updated.
PS: regarding my last blog, it seems many people didn’t get my FB or Instagram post heads up that it was there at WildlyClara.com. If you check “subscribe” you can skip the whole social media thing. But you might want to go back and read it or else some of what I say here from now on might not make much sense.
PPS:My first counseling appointment is this next week and I’m eager to get some help untangling this messy, knotted pile of threads in my head! Sometimes life is really hard and we need some help.
Wildly Clara 
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